What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
Whats Jokes
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's grave?
"Rust in peace."
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
What would good be if it was a place?
It would be a desert because it had too many droughts!
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
Answer: The table part.
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)