Whats Jokes

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

What do you call crabs that do not share their food?

They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

A. Cancer.

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?

They can't find the home button.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

E.T. eventually went home!

What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog’s fingers.

I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

Frenid: R u gay?

Me: Yes u

Frenid: No I am bi.

Me: Dang it!

Frenid: What?

Me: I like u.

Frenid: Ok I like u to.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa?

A water gun.

What do you call an American house?

A gun safe.

What do you call a cemetery of dead Arabs? A mine field.

What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slicker hair back she looks 15.