Whats jokes
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
That's what you do. And the ahteot09oe.
What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."
I can NOT take any responsibility and credit for this, it just said what's your favourite joke so I'm writing it in favor of them: A man needs to leave for a lengthy business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny.
The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cashier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand,” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home.
Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”
What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?
The Beetle!
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.
What is the difference between a tree and a dog?
A dog can walk and a tree cannot walk.
What is a good time?
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?
I don’t know, I just fly the drone.
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?
A: Moonday!
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
What is the biggest butt in the world?
The bottom of the ocean.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What is italian sausage?
The dick of a gay italian.
What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?
"I got stuck in a butt crack!"
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
Mooooooo my secret is that it's pasture bedtime, but not pasture bedtime!