When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1. A castle weighs a ton. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The Queen of England's won! I never thought she'd get it done, but her sister is a nun.
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Joe mama so fat when she weighs herself, the weigh explodes.
Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."
Why is it easy to weigh fish?
Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"
