We jokes

Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!

Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

What do we call a gay Canadian?

Sophisticated cunt.

So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"

Me and my mom order Chinese food.

My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."

What does "A" say to "ss"?

"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."

A teacher walked up to me and said, "How did we get butt cracks?"

I was like 4, so I said, "You had an earthquake on your booty."

Bootylicious lol

Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?

I wish we were all aborted. <3

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

*slaps* "We ask ze questions!"

People who don't have common sense are just stupid people with ugly hearts. STOP HATING PEOPLE YOU NEVER KNOW! Also write "then exit the f word site," and I think we know that won't happen!!!

I L.O.V.E GWEN!!!!!!

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

What song does an orphan hate?

"We Are Family."

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.

“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”

You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?

We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.

Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"

What did one astronaut say to the other astronaut after landing on the Moon?

"Ah! And people thought we were moons!"

"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."

Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!

Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.

Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.

Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!

Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?

Palpatine: Stew it.