Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.
But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What runs but never stops?
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
What do you call male mermaids?
Mer-butlers!
So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."
Your momma so fat, when she asked for a water bed, she got a concrete bed.
One day, a chemistry teacher asked his student, whose name is Raj, "What is the chemical formula of water?"
The Raj replied, "HIJKLMNO."
The teacher asked, "What is this rubbish?"
The Raj replied, "Yesterday, you taught the chemical formula of water is H2O."
What's an Emo's favorite drink?
Water, JK it's cyanide.
If you put your foot in a pond, your foot will get wet.
No joke, I just wasted about 5 or 6 seconds of your life.
You smell like tap water and cornflakes.
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?
It sinks it.
Why are fish easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
