Water jokes

What did the water say to the cup?

"Good day!"

Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?

Osmoses.

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.

What’s the rarest gun to find in Africa?

A water gun...

Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

What do you call a rapper who can't swim?

A FLOATER!

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?

Nothing, they both spout shit.

What do you call a rapper who's afraid of water?

Lil Drip.

If BlessedBrian were ANY LESS intelligent, he’d have to be WATERED twice a week.