I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What the difference between me and cancer
My mom did beat cancer
Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.
He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!
What was the score of the basketball game in Africa?
Eight-nothing.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake ... It was a bittersweet victory
What did the Americans call the Battle of Midway after Pearl Harbor?
The Jap trap.
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."
Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"
"Gotta number one victory royale."
Why are Americans badar clash Royale
Because they have already lost 2 towers
What helped the Lakers win the Finals? Kobe's passing!
What war game can the French win? None, they are always losing.
