Vegans jokes
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
Save the plants, eat a vegan.
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
Mrs. Kadie, I heard about this Mr. Beast video about veggie burgers. I hope that you didn't trick me again.
Mr. Beast: Today we're gonna be eating a hot tender burger.
Mrs. Kadie: OMG he didn't say vegan!
Viewers: HAHAHA we tricked you!
Mrs. Kadie: That's it Mr. Beast, we're gonna pour blood on your face!
Mr. Beast & Chandler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1!
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"