US jokes
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
The last two presidents of the US.
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
Memes
What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?
A-cheat shells.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
Your hairline is so bad it was used as the Starbucks logo!
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
Why did the first fence hate the other fence?
The second fence used some of-fensive language.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Us three get along well. I guess you could say we're the TREE-o!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Why did the Pikachu say "Pi"??
He had to use the bathroom!
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
They both used to be straight.