US jokes

Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

Yo mama so fat,

Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.

What's one similarity between the twin towers and gender?

There used to be 2, and now it's a sensitive subject.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

What type of flower does an orphan use?

Self-raising flour.

Don't leave us hanging, Sayori.

Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.

(I love oil!)

What type of flour do orphans use to bake with...? Self-raising flour!

How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?

Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

What does Michael Jackson like to use to clean himself? Baby wipes.

What are Michael Joseph Jackson's favorite songs? "Baby Love" and "Baby Talk to Me."