US Jokes

Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.

What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?

A MAGAzine.

I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.

A sign that reads: "www.bridgewatercurlingclub.com. You think you can hurt my feelings. I used to hold the fleshlight for my dad."

Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?

Because they use honeycombs.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?

Boys: blue is blue.

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"