Ur jokes

Mailman

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Mail man.

Mailman who?

Bitch, do you want your mail?

Mom

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

Memes

Kid

Kid: Where do I put this paper?

Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

Kid: Yes, you told me to!

Teacher: I meant at school!

Kid: Ohhhhhh!

Teacher: Duh!

Alexa

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

Osama

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

Mom

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

Ugliness

You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.

Mum

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

Forehead

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Cannibal

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

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  • Lemonade stand

    My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

    Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

    Ugliness

    You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.

    Hide-and-seek

    Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?

    Seek and Hide: Me.

    Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.

    Seek: Why do I have to be it?

    Figure: Because your name says so.