There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Ok, Seek, you're it. Me and Hide will hide.
Seek: Why do I have to be the seeker?
Figure: Because your name is in seeker.
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.
Seek: Why do I have to be it?
Figure: Because your name says so.