Ugliness jokes
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”
I have 3 eyes, 2 ears, and 6 mouths, what am I?
UGLY!
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.
Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.
Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!
Your mum is so ugly she made Paul Walker run.
Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
Yo momma is so ugly, when she tried to join the ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.
Yo mama so ugly Joe Biden was jelly.
Stupid cow.
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
Slow and steady wins the race...
...but it will never fix your ugly face.
Yo momma so ugly when she the and ugly weird the and she ugly!
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
Roses are red, Violets are ugly.
Violet thought she was ugly until she saw you!
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.