How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
What's two lesbians in a tent?
A finger hut.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
So two guys walk into a bar. One says, "Can I have something to drink?"
The other says, "You wish!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO dab on the haters - Jake Paul wreeeeecckkked.................... DABDABDABDBABABDBABDBABDBABDBDABDBsabBaDBAD,,,,,,,,,,five fo e the winners. KILL MATPAT, THE EARTH IS FLAT AND A DONUT
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
Two skeleton brothers are talking.
1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"
2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
These are all of my terrible jokes.
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.
A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"
Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"
I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"
A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."
A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.
A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.
I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.
A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.
Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.
What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.
Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.
Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.
There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.
Louis' IQ is like his running; always two points below average.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
What do you call a fish with two knees?
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
