Two jokes
This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
What do you call two emos spending time together?
Hanging out.
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
Thank the Lord for my two huge balls!
I have two balls. Gay people have 23456789.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
Jo mama so fat that when aliens invaded earth, they said, "Wow, two in one!"
Why did two 4s skip dinner? Because they already ate.
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.