Two

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Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.

Too bad only one was standing. :)

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

At baseball practice...

"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"

"No, but I got two right here."

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Why were 9/11 victims so mad?

They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.

The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.

What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?

A different sized elephant.