I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
I was trying to poison santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Would you like to try African food??
They would too.
When you try to close an google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "ad closed by google."
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
This one kid i knew had down syndrome and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
So Steph Curry and Lebron Jame went on a vacation and Steph Curry said try not to travel
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.
a blond, a red head, and brunette, were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away, so in turn they try to swim to the island, the brunette swims 10 km then drowns, the red head swims 30 km then drowns, the blond swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
