What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band? "Juan Direction."
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
We r gonna crush u in the try not to laugh
a boy walks into some woods with a phone and his friend comes by and asks what are you doing? the pauses then says trying some bird calls!
Me: John what did he do earlier
John: hold on, I’m trying to think
Me: I thought I smelled poop
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile? Just trying to fit in.
Me: Hey wanna know my spirit animal
Friend: Sure
Me: Road kill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead
Me: Aren't you my son
Friend: So that's what mom was trying to hide from me
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
There was a race between Lettuce a faucet and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running and the ketchup was trying to ketchup
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef! - HEADASS! here's the real joke:
Imma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, u gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!
To start im a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off" I said. He said "then you try it". He gave me the Santa suit and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week." They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you.", in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says "Cool, let me try!", and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says "Superman, you're an asshole."
Ive been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, bu i couldn't see any
The other day my wife said "take me someplace I have never been before, I said why don't you try the kitchen! "
Q:What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A:one doesn’t scream when u try to chop it up.
have you tryed eating a clock.......its TIME CONSUMING
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies "Well for your daughter, Denise" "That's a nice name" comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies "Denephew".
