Training jokes
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?
He mist.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What do you call a train that carries glue?
A glue-glue train!
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
Poopy, farty, pee.
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"