Touch jokes

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

How do inmates keep in touch?

They have cell phones.

Why did your mum touch me? Because she was a pedo.

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.

White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!

How do baseballs communicate?

They touch base!

I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.

Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."

Yo mama so fat, she didn't just cross the border; she crossed ALL the borders.

Short version: Yo mama so fat she touches every border.

I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

Your hairline can fit a truck without touching either side.

Go touch some grass, bro.

What do you call an IT teacher that touches his students?

A PDF file.

Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

Answer: A promise.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Don't touch the beds, they are sticky with white goo.

When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?

Touch base.

Trump's releasing the files.

To catch all the pedophiles.

He didn't know Epstein.

Didn't touch any teens.

Yo mama so fat, when she touched the stairs, it said, "To be continued!"