Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?

Because she had none of the above.

Police: Where do you live?

Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Me: With me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Me: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house?

Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

Police: Tell me.

Me: Next to my house.

Police: *Arrests me*

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.

Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.

Me: I can only see fat.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.