Worst Jokes Ever
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."
What do you call a riot full of white people?
An avalanche.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What do you call a Censor with Autism?
A Censorspaz.
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
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Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"
I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
Hitler was a nazi.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita poo let me in!
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.