Worst Jokes Ever
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
Which Roman emperor was a mouse?
Julius Cheeser.
Why can’t USA and England play chess?
The USA has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
Where's your off button?
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
If you don't have big Nyash,
Lower your voice while talking to me, you Mau Mau warrior. 😂😂😂
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
What went up but never came down?
Stephen Hawking's IQ.
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?
Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?
Yo mama so ugly that when the Kool-Aid Man busted through her wall, he said, “Oh no!”
Why the fuck is this guy calling me a crying bitch?
What is King Kong for dinner?
Humans.
See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!
My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?
Me: (¬‿¬)
What is Osama bin Laden's favorite game?
Hide and seek.
A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.
A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.
«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.
A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».