Worst Jokes Ever
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Friend: You look like a baboon.
Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."