Worst Jokes Ever
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
Where do you get 30% of your agua? From AGUAfers.
Why was Stephen Hawking so good at FIFA? He had 99 dribble.
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
Yo mama is so ugly she's really the reason phone screens cracked!
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
What is a room you can not enter?
A mushroom.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Elephant
No matter how big the jar, there is one thing that can never fit inside it. What is it?
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
If bedbugs live in beds, where do cockroaches live?
Octopus, more like octopussy.
My wife still misses me...
But her aim is getting better!
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"