Worst Jokes Ever
Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.
One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
It insists upon itself, Lois, it insists upon itself.
Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.
"Now buzz off" - Explain Bear
What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?
Tug of whore.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
Yo mama's so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head?
So she claims to be.
And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
There hasn’t been 3 months of peace in this country since 2019. Jesus, take the wheel.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”