Took jokes

Bobby had 54 dicks (54).

He took 33 pills a month (5433).

Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).

(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?

It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

Me: I'm retarded.

Teacher: Why?

Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

I took a special needs child to a shooting range.

Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

Yo momma's so stupid, she took a shower for 20 minutes after she heard a DIRTY JOKE!

Yo mama so fat it took her 3 seconds to cross the Great Wall of China.

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

At least now I can have his phone he left.

Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.

Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.

Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.

We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...

Then we took an Arab to the knee.