Took jokes

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.

Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

I took a plane to go see my hairline.

Bobby had 54 dicks (54).

He took 33 pills a month (5433).

Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).

(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.

Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.

Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?

It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

Me: I'm retarded.

Teacher: Why?

Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.