Took jokes

Your hairline is so big it took your mom a map to find it.

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

Bobby had 54 dicks (54).

He took 33 pills a month (5433).

Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).

(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

I took a plane to go see my hairline.

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?

Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.

Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.

Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.

Me: I'm retarded.

Teacher: Why?

Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?

It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

I have a thousand-piece puzzle of the Japanese map. It took me ages to finish it.

But after the earthquake, I just threw all the pieces on the ground, and it's done.

Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.