The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
I drew a picture of Colby.
Too bad it got ripped up 😢
Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"
"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"
"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Yeah, not too bad at all, really.
They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.
I gave my friends some buttons.
Too bad he couldn't pull himself together.
