Thought jokes

Yo mama is so stupid that she thought NASA is a gaming program!

I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.

What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?

His elbow.

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

What happened when Obama ran for president?

The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.

What happened to the blind man's son?

He thought he was hitting a piñata.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.

I went to the market to get eggs, and my sister thought that I meant my balls.

Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?

Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?

Tyler: Pineapple

Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.

Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?

Frankie: Right now.

Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?

Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.

Tyler: I thought you never asked.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."

What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.

What did the porg say to the porg?

Hi Porg.

You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

"I think I feel a connection!"

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Fruit Ninja was a gay weeaboo!

Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.

He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"