Thought jokes

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw!

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a donut was dough shaped like a nut.

Why did the blonde run outside naked?

She thought the steam was a gas leak.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."