Think jokes
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
Why does air not come down? I think gravity didn't like the Facebook page of air.
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What is the difference between a dog and a cat?
I don't know either.
Why do you think I asked you? ;)