Thing jokes
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?
The knee caps.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"
Josh: Cookies.
Jacob: My parents.
Erika: My Friends!
Brody: Lamborghinis.
Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)
My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!
*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?
There's twenty of them.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
What is the best thing about gay people?
They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.