Thing jokes

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

Prince will be coming back in 10 mins here is a joke.

Gwen: Prince sorry but I'm wanting someone else instead. You've just been a complete jackass toward me, sorry good night.

Prince: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: Good night!

Prince: Why?

Gwen: Because...now good night!

Prince: We can work some things out?

Gwen: Nope...NOW GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!

To be continued

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

What's the best thing about 28 year olds?

There's 20 of them.

You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!

Knock knock.

Who's there? Discord server.

Discord server who?

This server is dead, bye bitches, I got better things to do than watch you sit here and type like a sloth.

What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?

If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.

But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .

There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.

The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."

God busted out laughing and let him in.

The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."

God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."

Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.

What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?

Well, they weren’t always orphans.

What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?

The steering wheel.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Covid.

Covid who?

The thing that killed half a billion people!

Bully (😏): Name 3 things you don't have.

Orphan named Kaiel (😔): Um... a dog... a doll... and a credit card.

Bully (😡): NO!

Orphan named Kaiel (😟): Sorry, what???

Bully (🤣): Parents. Family. And a home with people you love.

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.