They jokes
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? Because they had beef with each other.
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.