They jokes
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the only contraction they know.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, and all they got was plane.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the Wi-Fi cord.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."