They jokes
I wish I had emo nails,
So they could cut themselves.
I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"
They didn't reply.
I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: Because they don't have anyone they can call "Daddy."
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
Name one person who would take an orphan?
Michael Jackson, so they can play all night.
Why are the towers working out? They have big thighs!
Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
Why can’t orphans have dad jokes? Because they don’t got one.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,
they bring me things. <_>
You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"