They jokes
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How do parents punish their blind kid? They move the bed.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
Why do orphans love Oreos?
Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!
Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?
Because they were just roman around.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,
one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?