They jokes
Why can't an orphan have an iPad?
They can't find the home button.
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
Why do orphans want to be gay?
So they have someone to call "Daddy."
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
Why can't orphans play sports?
They don't know what a home team is.
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?
Because they can't make themselves at home.
Why can't orphans play football?
Because they can't be on the home team.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
Nerd: Because they're marsupials.
Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans have a computer?
They don't have a home page.
Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.