Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.
I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.
My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.
Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.
Moxxie: ThEy CaLlEd Me A pOsSuM!! i'M nOt A pOsSuM!!
Why do emo people go to the store with no money?
Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can’t hit a home run.
Why do orphans like water?
Cuz they drink it ;)
At school I am always called emo.
Little did they know that emos are wannabe goths.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is. :)
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
Why do orphans go to church?
So they finally have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I don't really understand 9/11 jokes, but they eventually hit me like a plane.
