They jokes

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?

"They forgot the stuffing!"

Are your forehead and your hairline best friends because they look like they go way back?

What do a black and a tornado have in common?

They both wreck neighborhoods.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.

Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?

A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza. Instead, they got a plane.

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.

Why do orphans like families? Because they wish they had one.

Why can you hit orphans?

Because they can't tell their parents.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.