Thereness jokes
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
Knock, knock? Who's there? A mirror, I'm lonely.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
I once went up to an orphan and they were crying, and I asked where their parents are, and they started crying more.
Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.
Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.
He didn't get the job.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because dad never came home with the milk.
If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?
He fell for her.
Why do orphans live on the street?
They don't have parents to put a roof over their head.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.