There jokes

I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.

Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

There's 3 things I hate.

1. Jokes

2. Lists

3. Irony.

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."

He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."

Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."

Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."

There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?

There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.

(Just a joke, no offense.)

There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.

1-2-..... and he left without a trace.

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Heaven.

Heaven who?

Heaven fun over there?

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?

There's none, they both don't age well.

What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.

An orphan tried to make an app about orphans, but there was no home page.