There jokes
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
Why are orphans always sad?
Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
Why do orphans become bullies?
Because their mum and dad were never there for them.
Why do orphans like the movie Home Alone?
Because they're home alone themselves!
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
Why are there no Jamaicans on the moon?
Because there's no space jam.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
What’s the best thing about 26 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
Why are butts salty?
Because there buttered!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What kind of knickers is the best?
Windy knickers, because they're the best kind.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.