Them jokes
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?
Keep away from me-hee-hee.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Memes
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.
The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
Because no one misses them.
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.