Them jokes
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
OK, so Kenya and Kariah are both orphans that hate orphan jokes, so how about we make a joke out of them!
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Kids turn them on.
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.
I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.