Them jokes

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

Here's a sex joke.

What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.

What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?

Neither of them respect boundaries.

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.

Why does the military recruit orphans?

Because homing missiles don’t target them.

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.