Them jokes
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.
What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?
Neither of them respect boundaries.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.