Them jokes

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.

Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...

"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"

Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?

Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I never knew them.

One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.

Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."

My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

What is the best type of girl to fuck?

Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They throw them down the stairs and see what noise they make! WA WA WAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.