Them jokes
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
Communist jokes suck... unless everyone gets them.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.