Them jokes
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Doritos.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.